My Candy Store

There is something about a library that stirs my soul. I love to wander down the aisles and just soak up the atmosphere, especially when I don't have something specific that I am looking for. I love going to the library. I always have.

In July I got to spend a week in New York with my husband. It was my first time. He was there on business, so each day I would wander the streets of Manhattan reveling in the sights, sounds, and the culture in that vast city. I saw many amazing things, but one of my favorite experiences was the morning I spent browsing the New York Public Library. O.k., so it's not your average public library. It is everything I ever dreamed a library could be. 

It is historic, 

it is beautiful,

it is full of books.

After wandering the building, I sat down in this room with a book, and just relished the moment.   

It was a fabulous morning.

Today I went to the library to pick up H. Man who had been there with a friend. I was in a hurry to get somewhere, but once I walked through the doors, I couldn't help lingering over a few displays of new and seasonal books they had, and then of course I had to take a quick look at what books they had on sale today. As we left and I remembered what a hurry I was in, I had to try to define what exactly this hold is that the library has on me. Then it dawned on me. It's the possibilities. There are thousands of books on the shelves there, just waiting to be read. Waiting to change my life. You never know when you pick up a book, where you will end up when you put it down. The possibilities in a library are endless. It's magical, and it keeps calling me back for more. I wonder where I'll end up next.

"How many a man has dated a new era in his life from the reading of a book."  ~Henry David Thoreau, Walden 

Tag, I'm It

Dana at Noggins & Nonsense tagged me in a blog "getting to know you" game. Since I haven't posted in over a month, here is some proof that I'm still around. The questions she asked were:

• What is your favorite thing about being a MOM? (This is a tough one. There are so many things that I love, but I have to say that one of my favorite and most rewarding things, is being able to watch my children learn and grow. It is so awesome and overwhelming to see their strengths and talents being developed and to recognize the amazing potential they have. I feel blessed to be a part of it.)

• What part of homeschooling your family makes your heart sing? My answer to this goes along with the first one; watching them learn new thing. I love that I get to be a part of all the "awakenings" in their educational lives. There is nothing like seeing the excitement in a child (especially your own child) when they learn something new. From first learning to read, to making connections with exciting events in history, or discovering the "veins" in a leaf. That wide-eyed wonder is magical.

• If you could have any dessert right now what would it be? ( I just made pumpkin chocolate chip cookies with Little C. tonight, and they really hit the spot. Anything with chocolate is usually a safe bet.)

• What is one thing about yourself that you’d like to change? (I would like to stress less. I often worry too much about things that in the grand scheme of things aren't really that important. I wish that I could give that up.)

• What are some talents you’ve been blessed with? (I’ve been blessed with faith. There are definitely times when I don't trust the Lord enough, but generally speaking, I know that He is there and knows what I need and is waiting to bless me with that if I just trust in Him. I am so grateful for that gift in my life, and the peace it brings.)

• What is a weakness you struggle with? (Not worrying about what others think. You wouldn't think I would have a problem with this since I homeschool, have home-births, am in the Constitution Party, etc., etc., but I often have to stop and ask myself if my motivation for doing something is because it's the right thing for me to do, or because I am worrying about what someone else will think. It's silly, and I am getting better, but I wish I was more like my husband in this area. He just knows what he has to do and does it, and doesn't worry about what anyone else thinks.)

• What book (just for you) have you enjoyed lately? (This is sad. I really love to read, but I don't think I have finished a book for me in 6 months. Right after C. Bear was born I read a few books just for me, and one of the ones I really enjoyed was The Keeper of the Bees, by Gene Stratton Porter. I love her books! I can't wait until I can find more time to read again. I have been itching for a good book lately, and some time to read it in.)

• What is something you would like to learn how to do? (Sew. My mother was/is a wonderful seamstress, but she never taught me how to sew. I always bring my sewing projects to her and she does them for me. It is wonderful, but some day I would like to buy a sewing machine and learn to sew. Some day. . .)

Now I am supposed to tag some people and ask them eight questions of my own.

Here are the questions:

• What are your top 5 favorite books?

• What is one of your favorite scriptures?

• What is your favorite homeschool curriculum that you have used?

• What led you to homeschool your children?

• If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be?

• If you had one day all to yourself, what would you do?

• What is your favorite food group?

• What is something that your child(ren) did recently that made you laugh out loud?

The people I am tagging are:

Cellista @ La Scuola d'Argento

Meg @ Journey, Discover, Gather

Wendy @ O'Neil Oasis

Sea Star @ Sea Star Academy

You! If you want to answer any of these questions, leave a comment with a link to your blog, and I would love to read it. 

Thanks for playing!

Gratitude

 Doctrine and Covenants 59:21 And in nothing doth man offend God, or against none is his wrath kindled, save those who confess not his hand in all things, and obey not his commandments.

I typically find it easy to recognize and acknowledge the Lord's hand in my life, but somehow whenever I am pregnant and my due date approaches, or passes by unheeded, my "woe is me" attitude kicks into hyperdrive.  I assume that many of us tend to have times in our lives when everything seems to be going wrong and we start to wonder what we've done to "deserve" this.  I have to admit that I have been feeling this way for the past week or so.  I could (and usually would) choose to look at my life and be grateful that my husband has a job that brings in enough income to provide for our needs and allows me to stay home with our children, that I have family (namely my brother) kind and generous enough to donate 2 months of daily work to building our basement, that I have had a healthy pregnancy so far with not much more than the common discomforts that naturally accompany it, etc.  Instead, for the past week or so I have too often chosen to dwell on the fact that my husband was supposed to get a raise a year ago that still hasn't materialized, that our basement was supposed to be finished a month ago, but realistically won't be for at least another month, that I am one day passed my due date and am begrudging all the women that I know who have never delivered their babies later than a week or more before their due dates, etc.  

I was feeling really sorry for myself yesterday (my "due date") as I headed into church to face the many sympathetic comments like "Oh, I'm sorry you're still here." or, "Isn't your due date really soon?" I especially felt cheated when someone shared in "The Good News Minute" that a woman in the neighborhood, who's due date wasn't for 3 more weeks, had her baby on Friday.  I almost wished I would have stayed home for all of church with my sick and ornery 2 year old, instead of trading off with my husband so we could both attend some of our Sunday meetings.  Luckily we had a great lesson which brought the spirit to soften my heart, and then Heavenly Father allowed my softened heart to be humbled a little more by prompting a friend of mine to share with us that she found out last week that she has cancer.  Despite this terrifying news she bore her testimony of how blessed she is and how much she has seen and felt Heavenly Fathers love and peace in her life over the past week.  There is nothing like seeing the problems of others to put our own shallow worries in their place.  I came home with a greater resolve to look at the good in my life, and accept the challenges that Heavenly Father allows me to face with more gratitude and humility.

President Monson gave a wonderful talk on gratitude in the October 2008 LDS General Conference that  helps remind me what is truly important in life, and how truly blessed I am.  In it he quoted Sarah Ban Breathnach saying, "Both abundance and lack [of abundance] exist simultaneously in our lives, as parallel realities. It is always our conscious choice which secret garden we will tend … when we choose not to focus on what is missing from our lives but are grateful for the abundance that’s present—love, health, family, friends, work, the joys of nature, and personal pursuits that bring us [happiness]—the wasteland of illusion falls away and we experience heaven on earth.”  This is such a beautiful truth.  No matter who we are, or what our circumstances may be, we can find numerous blessings in our lives, or numerous problems, it depends on what we choose to focus on.  

So tonight as I try to sleep with my aching back, and when I wake up once again at 2:00am with unbearable heart-burn, I will try to focus instead on the fact that I have a warm house and a soft matress to sleep on, and that I have a loving and supportive husband next to me who will do all that he can to help me and provide for me and our family, that God loves me enough to bless me with the four amazing children we have and another child that will inevitably arrive any day, and that most of all he has provided a way for all of us to be together with him for eternity, if we but choose to follow Him and endure well to the end.

Six Random Things about Me

I was tagged by my SIL, so apparently you get to hear a little bit more about me.  Here are the rules:

Link to the person that tagged you. (See above.)

Post the rules on your blog.

Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.

Tag at least three people at the end of your post and link to their blogs.

Let each person know they’ve been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Let the fun begin!

With that in mind, here are six little known facts about me:

I don’t like eggplant.  I can’t stand the texture, or the flavor.   I know that’s not very spectacular, or all that unusual, however, it is the only food I can think of that I don’t like, so I felt it deserved a mention.

I dream of one day owning dairy goats, and chickens.  I don’t know if anyone but my kids and husband know this about me, but it’s true.  In fact just this morning I threatened my husband that I was going to get us some chickens this spring, but he’s still not on board (yet...).

I’m afraid of heights.  I don’t know if afraid is a strong enough word.  It is really silly when I think about it (on flat ground), but get me at the top of some metal bleachers, and I start thinking about all of the ways the thing could end up crumbling to the ground.

I guess this is really part of #2, but I also dream of one day living out in the country with a huge garden and those dairy goats and chickens.  I don’t know if it is my affinity for The Little House books, or what, but the idea of living off the land and being mostly self sufficient is so romantic to me...

I love to cook.  I am not artistic in any way, but I think that cooking is my creative outlet.  If it weren’t for the kids, my crazy life, and the clean-up, I would probably cook a gourmet five-course meal every night. In another life I would have loved to go to a French Culinary School and become an excellent chef.

I am running out of ideas here so this last one is kind of lame (not that the ones above were really stellar). I grind my teeth at night.  I don’t know if it is a stress thing or what, but I do it rather consistently, and when I do it, I get really bad headaches the next day.  I never knew I did it until I got married and my husband pointed it out.  The worst part is that my oldest inherited the habit from me.  The funny thing is that he is the child that is most like me in personality... 

Resolutions

Here it is, almost the middle of February, and I am wondering how many of us (who actually dared to make them) are still keeping our New Year’s Resolutions.  While there are a few things I am still doing OK on, I must admit there are others that I have already let slide.  I recently read this post which got me thinking and I started wondering why it is that we have such a hard time doing those things that we know will make us better, healthier, and ultimately happier?  I have been pondering this conundrum for the past couple of weeks and have come up with all of the standard arguments. Among the many is “it’s human nature”.  Why? I want to know what is in our natures that persuades us to settle for mediocrity.  Why are we afraid of the greatness that God intends for us.  I know it is part of the great struggle that has been going on since Adam and Eve first partook of the dualistic fruit, but why are we so apt to buy into the “easy-way-out”?  

Let’s take a look at one of the common goals that many people make as the New Year rolls round:  exercise.  I will confess that it made it on my list of improvements this year, but I am still struggling with doing it consistently.  Now, everybody knows that exercise has been proven to make us healthier, stronger, more resistant to disease, and it will increase the length and quality of our life.  I also know from personal experience that exercise gives me more energy (so I can get more accomplished in my day), it helps me sleep better at night (so even if I have to get up a little earlier to do it, I feel more rested than if I don’t), and it increases my endorphins (so I generally feel happier on the days that I exercise).  What excuses are left that cause me to turn off the alarm in the morning, instead of getting up to exercise and reaping all of these benefits?  You would think that looking at the pros and cons would convince anyone to get up and exercise every day, and yet most of us don’t.    The same could be said for most of the things that we “resolve to do”, we know the benefits far out-weigh the drawbacks, but we still don’t do them.  Again I ask, why?

After a lot of pondering, I am inclined to believe that the answer is lack of vision, which manifests itself as laziness.  Yes, I know that I would feel so much better if I; exercised regularly, ate better, cleaned my house more, kept on top of the laundry, thought of others more than myself, prayed more, etc., etc., but when decision time comes it always seems like it would be so much easier not to.  We convince ourselves that it is easier not to , but in reality it is so much harder.  Going back to the exercise scenario; at 5:00 in the morning it seems so much easier to stay in bed, but if I could see clearly at that moment I would realize that the rest of my day would be easier if I just got up.  So, how do we keep our vision in line with reality?  I guess that is the great struggle.  I know it has a lot to do with relying on God, and allowing His vision of us and the world around us to become our vision.  We also need the courage and fortitude to act upon the things He prompts us to do.  I think this quote by Marvin J. Ashton sums it up. “The recognition of the need to change has to be a greater force than the luxury of staying the same.”

I don’t know if I’m any further ahead than I was before I started thinking about all of these things, but I guess the battle isn’t over until we throw in the towel.  I have to believe that as long as we keep recognizing the need to change and strive to do something about it, we are on the right track.  When we mess up, we just get back up and try again.  Eventually, with a lot of help from above, we’re bound to get it right, and then we can move on to the next thing... 

Count Your Many Blessings

Count Your Blessings

When upon life’s billows

 you are tempest-tossed,

When you are discouraged

 thinking all is lost,

Count your many blessings;

 name them one by one,

And it will surprise you

 what the Lord has done.

-Johnson Oatman Jr.

Do you ever have one of those days where you wake up and feel like the world is conspiring against you from the get go?  Well, today was one of those days for me.  Most of my discouragement was stemming from feelings of inadequacy (and probably lack of sleep).  The kids woke up and were wired and not following their morning routines, so I started nagging, which just helped feed my feelings of inadequacy, and the vicious cycle began.  By breakfast time I could feel a melt-down coming on.  My wonderful husband called me on his way to work because he was worried about me (and probably the kids) and suggested that perhaps I should try listing my blessings.  It is a guaranteed way your lift your mood.  After some mild protests that lack of blessing was not the problem, but disobedient children, I finally assented.  I told the kids that we would start the school day with art time (which they were thrilled about) and I sat down here to write my list.  If you will indulge me, here are some of the things I am grateful for:

-The Gospel of Jesus Christ,  which brings peace and direction to my life.

-My wonderful husband, who works so hard for our family, and is such a support and example to me.

-My four beautiful children, who really are very good (most of the time), and who bring so much joy to my life.

-Prayer.  I am so grateful to be able to go to my Heavenly Father and receive answers, encouragement, forgiveness, and peace.

-Health.  Our whole family is healthy despite it being winter, and we generally are.

-Extended family who loves and supports us.

-Books.  They are good friends, sources of inspiration and purveyors of knowledge.

-Music. It has the ability to sooth my soul, lift my spirits and express my emotions in a way that can’t be accomplished with words.

-Nature.  The many varied beauties of this Earth are a living testament of a loving Creator.

-Great friends, near and far, who share my beliefs and are a support to me.

-A warm and comfortable home.

-A full fridge and pantry.

-Computers.  It is amazing how much information is right at our finger tips.

My list could go on and on, and I do recognize how greatly I have been blessed.  The amazing thing is that I really am feeling better now.  Now it is time to go start school.  Maybe I should keep a piece of paper and pencil handy today, so that if I start feeling out-of-sorts again, I can add to my list... 

  Thanks for the suggestion Doug!

The Better Part

~Be still and know that I am God. -Psalms 46:10

I have been reading a book called Just David, which I highly recommend.  The book is about a ten year old boy who has been raised in the mountains by his father.  His father chose to only expose his son to good and beautiful things in his childhood to prepare him for his “great work” in the world.  When David is unexpectedly thrust into the world, his view of what is truly beautiful and important varies greatly from those he comes in contact with.  It has opened my eyes. 

I think that I try hard to protect my children from bad things and place good things in their lives, but at the end of our busy Saturday I started wondering if I am careful to choose only the best things for them.  It is an increasingly evil world.  We are constantly being bombarded by offensive things against our choosing.  Just driving down the freeway, or walking through the mall we are assaulted by countless sayings and images that could make us flee in terror if we stopped to think about it.  Not to mention the things we let into our home via television and other forms of media.  Even if it is a good program, which it usually is, the advertising is often worse than most PG-13 movies.   Which is actually what got me thinking tonight. Everyone was watching a show that was relatively harmless, but I started feeling like there was probably something better we could be doing with our time.  

We get so busy in our lives, and most of the things we do are good, but are they the best things we could be doing at that moment?  Are they things that draw us closer to God and fill us with those things that will help us to be of service to Him and to our fellowmen, or are they simply things that are enjoyable, but really have no lasting value.  It is so hard to weed out those things that we could do without to make room for those things that we really need.  Most things that we do seem to be important at that moment, but weighed with an eternal perspective, where would they really fit on the list? I believe Satan is working so hard to fill our lives with distractions, because the busier and noisier our lives are, the harder it is to hear the quiet whisperings of the spirit.  I know we have a “great work” to do in these last days, but will we be prepared to do it if we don’t take the time to do those things that will lead us to it?

Choice

By Jean Liebenthal

Ensign, Mar. 1995

Am I, like Martha,

too immersed in homely

chores—too single-minded

in my day’s pursuits

of worldly worries which,

by heaven’s time,

won’t count for much—

or so intent today on

busywork that I don’t pray,

or keep my soul

in touch with the divine?

And do I

(oh, yes, conscientiously)

keep thoughts so fixed

on duties of my hands,

this hour’s demands,

that I’ve no time to spare

to dry His sweet feet

with my bowed soul’s hair?

Oh, may I pattern

after Mary’s way

and choose the better part,

asking forgiveness

at those tender feet

washed with my hope,

anointed with my heart.