Doctrine and Covenants 59:21 And in nothing doth man offend God, or against none is his wrath kindled, save those who confess not his hand in all things, and obey not his commandments.
I typically find it easy to recognize and acknowledge the Lord's hand in my life, but somehow whenever I am pregnant and my due date approaches, or passes by unheeded, my "woe is me" attitude kicks into hyperdrive. I assume that many of us tend to have times in our lives when everything seems to be going wrong and we start to wonder what we've done to "deserve" this. I have to admit that I have been feeling this way for the past week or so. I could (and usually would) choose to look at my life and be grateful that my husband has a job that brings in enough income to provide for our needs and allows me to stay home with our children, that I have family (namely my brother) kind and generous enough to donate 2 months of daily work to building our basement, that I have had a healthy pregnancy so far with not much more than the common discomforts that naturally accompany it, etc. Instead, for the past week or so I have too often chosen to dwell on the fact that my husband was supposed to get a raise a year ago that still hasn't materialized, that our basement was supposed to be finished a month ago, but realistically won't be for at least another month, that I am one day passed my due date and am begrudging all the women that I know who have never delivered their babies later than a week or more before their due dates, etc.
I was feeling really sorry for myself yesterday (my "due date") as I headed into church to face the many sympathetic comments like "Oh, I'm sorry you're still here." or, "Isn't your due date really soon?" I especially felt cheated when someone shared in "The Good News Minute" that a woman in the neighborhood, who's due date wasn't for 3 more weeks, had her baby on Friday. I almost wished I would have stayed home for all of church with my sick and ornery 2 year old, instead of trading off with my husband so we could both attend some of our Sunday meetings. Luckily we had a great lesson which brought the spirit to soften my heart, and then Heavenly Father allowed my softened heart to be humbled a little more by prompting a friend of mine to share with us that she found out last week that she has cancer. Despite this terrifying news she bore her testimony of how blessed she is and how much she has seen and felt Heavenly Fathers love and peace in her life over the past week. There is nothing like seeing the problems of others to put our own shallow worries in their place. I came home with a greater resolve to look at the good in my life, and accept the challenges that Heavenly Father allows me to face with more gratitude and humility.
President Monson gave a wonderful talk on gratitude in the October 2008 LDS General Conference that helps remind me what is truly important in life, and how truly blessed I am. In it he quoted Sarah Ban Breathnach saying, "Both abundance and lack [of abundance] exist simultaneously in our lives, as parallel realities. It is always our conscious choice which secret garden we will tend … when we choose not to focus on what is missing from our lives but are grateful for the abundance that’s present—love, health, family, friends, work, the joys of nature, and personal pursuits that bring us [happiness]—the wasteland of illusion falls away and we experience heaven on earth.” This is such a beautiful truth. No matter who we are, or what our circumstances may be, we can find numerous blessings in our lives, or numerous problems, it depends on what we choose to focus on.
So tonight as I try to sleep with my aching back, and when I wake up once again at 2:00am with unbearable heart-burn, I will try to focus instead on the fact that I have a warm house and a soft matress to sleep on, and that I have a loving and supportive husband next to me who will do all that he can to help me and provide for me and our family, that God loves me enough to bless me with the four amazing children we have and another child that will inevitably arrive any day, and that most of all he has provided a way for all of us to be together with him for eternity, if we but choose to follow Him and endure well to the end.
4 comments:
I'm sorry you're still pregnant! I really am. :) I can relate to so much of what you wrote. I don't think I could have written such an eloquent post two months ago when I was at my due date and in pain and cranky though. I had a definite "woe is me" attitude. So thank you for reminding me of the need to focus on what I do have. I still need to work on that.
Now that my last one went past my due date, I realize how annoying I probably was to those around me when talking about how early all my other babies came.
I've been thinking about you this week and wondering how you're doing. I sincerely hope that this baby comes very soon and that all goes well for you.
I'm so sorry you are feeling like this! I've had a couple go past their due date. No matter how much I tried to put on a happy face it was the pits.
I can't believe how much your situation is just like my SIL. She was due on Saturday and still no baby. What's worse, my other SIL who wasn't due until March 21st had hers on Friday. Sunday was a terrible day for the first SIL for all the reasons you mentioned. Just know there is someone over here going through very much the same experience.
Oh Andrea, you are a wonderful example! Thank you for your post. You are a amazing mother and wife! I am fortuate to call you a friend :) Hang in there this too will pass. Savannah came a week two days and three hours, four minutes and three point five seconds. Late :) jk ok I didn't have it down to the seconds :) I remember feeling like I was going to be prego forever. Don't be to hard on yourself...I was not just grumpy I was almost to hard to like with! You are a angel love ya tons jess.
Sorry typo I ment to write "live" with :)
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