Tender Mercies

It is beautiful the way the Lord shows us His love and mercy in our lives.  It is usually not through any miraculous event, but when it happens, and we notice it, it can be just as powerful. I have had several experiences lately that have let me feel the hand of the Lord in my life and I have been wanting to write about them, but just haven't gotten around to it.  I had some free time this morning, a rare and beautiful thing in and of itself, so I thought I would try to record my thoughts.

The first thing that happened really set the tone for the events that follow.  I would say that it prepared my heart to receive what the Lord needed to teach me.  Two weeks ago we had the marvelous blessing of having President Henry B. Eyring attend our Stake Conference!  He attended all of our meetings on both Saturday and Sunday.  The amazing thing about it is that he told us that members of the First Presidency never attend Stake Conferences.  They are just too busy, but he said that he felt prompted that he needed to attend a Stake Conference and that ours was the one he should attend.  How lucky was that?!  The entire Conference was wonderful, but there was one story that he told that really affected me and has changed the way that I look at life.  He told of a time when he was the President of Ricks college and he and his wife had left their three kids at home with a babysitter while they attended the Idaho Falls temple.  As they were leaving the temple the Temple President's wife told them that the Teton Dam had collapsed.  Their town lay directly in the path of the rushing water.  They were unable to get home to their children and unable to even call and find out if they were o.k..  He said that his wife was worried sick and watching the news to try to find any information she could.  He told her that he was going to bed.  She looked at him incredulously.  She asked how he could sleep at a time like that?!  He told her their children would be all right.  He said that he didn't know if they were alive or not, but they were good children, and their youngest wasn't even 8 yet so they would be all right one way or another.  What amazing faith!  It is one thing to have faith in the assurance that Heavenly Father would protect them from harm, but to have such a clear eternal perspective that you could be comforted by the assurance that He will protect them in life or death is quite another thing.  It caused me to do some soul searching about whether I had that kind of faith and perspective.  I think the answer was no.  But Heavenly Father has a way of waking us up and then gently teaching us the way to turn our lives and hearts over to Him.

The very next week I started (o.k., continued) worrying about the current economic state of our Country.  We have been doing our best to be prepared financially and physically, but we aren't quite where I would like us to be yet, and with a possible complete economic collapse, who knows if anything would really be enough.  The future seemed so uncertain and a little (all right, a lot) scary to me.  One morning I asked my husband how he could manage to not be stressed out all the time worrying about what may lie ahead.  He said he realizes that God is in control and whatever happens is what is meant to be, even if that means that we loose everything we have.  That was what I have always said I believe, but at that moment it seemed too scary to really trust like that.  As we started school that morning we were following our daily routine of memorizing one of the New Testament scripture mastery scriptures, followed by a story from the "New Testament Stories" book.  That day's story happened to be about when Jesus called His apostles.  As we read about how Peter and his friends had been unable to catch any fish all night, but when Jesus told them where to go they filled three boats full to overflowing I began to cry.  I realized that it is true that God can give us everything we need, but the next part of the story is the real lesson.  After providing them with enough fish, therefore money, to probably provide for them and their families for a very long time, Jesus asks them to leave everything they have and follow Him.  The kids and I had a wonderful discussion about the fact that Heavenly Father has the power to give us everything we need, but money and things are not really what we need.  This life only matters in that it is how we prepare for the next.  What matters most is that we follow Him and have faith in His wisdom and love for us.  The spirit was so strong as it bore witness to each of us of the truth of these things.  I was so grateful for this experience and for the fact that we are homeschooling so that we are able to have experiences like this together!  What a blessing!  

I thought my faith was pretty buoyed up, but apparently Heavenly Father was wanting me to turn everything over to Him, and I haven't done that yet.  Last weekend I was feeling pretty stressed and worried about being able to do everything that is required of me right now.  This is a common theme in my list of worries, but I was feeling pretty overwhelmed last week.  I am teaching 12 piano students this year and a "Mini Music" class of 4-6 kindergartners.  I am also our ward Young Women's President and, of course, I home school my three children, with a rambunctious toddler in tow.  I was beginning to feel like there was no way I could continue to do everything that has been asked of me and do it well.  I felt like we were really slacking in our school efforts, the house is always a mess and I never feel like I am devoting enough time to my calling.  On Friday I was telling my husband that I didn't know how I could keep it up.  Saturday we went for a bike ride with our team and I had a chance to talk to my friend and fellow-homeschooler about how overwhelmed I felt.  Talking to her helped me to realize that I'm not alone, but I still didn't know how I could possibly keep doing it all.  Saturday night was our General Relief Society Meeting and I was so excited to attend.  All of the talks were wonderful and I received so many answers to the things I had been struggling with, but President Uchtdorf's talk is where the spirit really took over.  He started by telling the cutest story about the difference between men and women illustrated by examples of how he and his wife cook.  If you missed his talk you really need to read it!  It was so sweet and funny.  He immediately followed this story by these words, "Today I would like to speak to those who have ever felt inadequate, discouraged, or weary—in short, I would like to speak to all of us.

I also pray that the Holy Ghost will amplify my words and bestow upon them additional meaning, insight, and inspiration.

We know that sometimes it can be difficult to keep our heads above water. In fact, in our world of change, challenges, and checklists, sometimes it can seem nearly impossible to avoid feeling overwhelmed by emotions of suffering and sorrow."

I went from laughing at his story to sobbing in a matter of seconds.  And the spirit did bestow upon me additional meaning, insight, and inspiration.  In my notes from the meeting I wrote these thoughts. "I can do what heavenly father has called me to do because he will help me and provide the way.  He has called me to home school my children so he will show me how to do it the way my children need me to.

Find out what heavenly father wants me to do most and have faith that he will show me the way to accomplish it.

Don't let fear of failure discourage you."  

I thought that these ideas were touched on in the talks, but as I went over the transcripts later I realized that they weren't really.  I love the way the spirit works when we have "ears to hear". 

Hopefully these lessons in faith have stuck and I can move forward with a more eternal perspective in life and with less fear.  I am so grateful for how much the Lord loves me and each one of us, and how he patiently works to mold us into the person he knows we can become.  I hope that I can always be humble and submissive enough to let Him.